What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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