You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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