Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
where are my eyebrows?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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