Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
