Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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