i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
