What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
