The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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