I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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