I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My balls are so social today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
