I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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