he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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