it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
