Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
