Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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