I wish I could punch you in the face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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