Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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