i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
