so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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