we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
