i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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