Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
