just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
