Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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