Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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