So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
