So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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