Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
