Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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