my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
