I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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