Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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