I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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