nut hugger
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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