I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
