I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Naked. naked and bneed help.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
