I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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