I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
