so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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