How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
