she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
