Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
