dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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