Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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