what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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