Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
