your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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