Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
