Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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