I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
