i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
