Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
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I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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