Christians are straight up FREAKS
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
