I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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