Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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