hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
