That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
