I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
