Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
