i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
