Moan for me like Helen Keller
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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