he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
