when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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