think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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