HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
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