spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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