He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
