Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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