I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
