Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
