Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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