You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
