Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
