She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
