smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
