woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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