I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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