Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
