I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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